what are you pretending not to know?
when we can’t unsee it, then change becomes required.
“Unconsciousness is difficult to deal with, and it takes a heroic struggle in the psyche to develop a strong ego.” – Robert Moore, Facing the Dragon
We often know more than we admit. Not with the head, but with the gut. The thing we push away is rarely hidden; it’s sitting in plain sight. We just choose to look past it because once we see it, we can’t unsee it. And if we can’t unsee it, then change becomes required (…you may need to read that again).
Denial is cheap and convenient. It buys us time, it shields us from discomfort, but it also keeps us stuck. Pretending not to know is like keeping the lights off in a room because you’re afraid of what you might find. You save yourself from a moment of shock, but you stay in the dark.
The hard part isn’t noticing. Deep down, you already know. The hard part is accepting responsibility for what comes next. And that’s what Moore is pointing to: the heroic struggle. It’s not about grand gestures. It’s about the daily practice of honesty. Saying: yes, I see this. Yes, it matters. And yes, I am willing to move with it.
As fathers, our task is to bring light into these shadowed corners. Children learn not by what we say, but by what we embody. If they see us facing our truths, however messy, they learn courage. If they sense us hiding, they learn avoidance.
There is no need to rush. Knowing unfolds in layers. One truth at a time. One moment of honesty followed by another.
Conversation Starters
What is one small truth you have been avoiding?
When have you faced a hard truth that ultimately opened a door to a better life?
Expedition
Take a walk outside. As you walk, repeat the question silently: What am I pretending not to know? Allow the rhythm of your steps to soften the mind. If an answer comes, let it be. If not, ask a tree to help.